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Midnight Whispers
Queer as Folk fan fiction - Brian and Justin
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Reviews For Forever Yours
Reviewer: JBY (Signed) · Date: September 27, 2014 02:28 AM · On: Chapter 1: Starting Over

Hi, I'm fairly new to this pairing and absolutely love them.  In the past I came from fandoms like Buffy or I should say Spuffy ;).  I used to write fan fiction myself until RL just took over.  I did, however, Beta for those instead.  I say this with the utmost sincerest apology for the constructive criticism I'm about to impart to you.  And yes, I'm well aware that you no longer write and I've read most of the comments.

You have an amazing story.  I give you tons of credit for the patience and creativity for that alone.  I do agree with some other reviewers it is too jam packed with other characters that you do lose sight of who the fan fiction should be about: Brian and Justin.  The wedding was such a bummer.  In it Brian and Justin's honeymoon is so downplayed and taken over because of Jerry and Mark.  I was soooo puzzled by this. I understand original characters and, well, writing original stories, but this should have been about them.  

This story seems to be a grocery list of fantastical elements of being rich and getting success and not enough of character growth.  Let me explain as I'm only on chapter 49.  I usually read pretty darn fast and some things do have me scratching my head and honestly having me skim most which is making me read this slower than I normally do.  I hate doing that.  Which parts do I skim?  ANYTHING remotely close to religion.  Not my cup of tea.  I believe in a higher power and spiritual growth, but religion to me is just something I can't get into and I was brought up Catholic.  So aside from my beliefs those aspects of your story I skim over, sorry!  I'm sure it's a huge thing for gay communities, but I think it's always been a huge thing period and not just about gays. I think this is why most ARE commenting on the fact of racism and sexism. It is slightly there, but hey it IS your story!

But I digress back to what I was saying about religion... It's why there are cults.  To me religion lost its belief and moved right into cult like aspects and with no way of coming back to what it should be.  Sad, very sad.  I don't know if this makes me an atheist, but I just don't read or like to be preached at.  You somewhat do that in certain parts.  It is one of the reasons why I stopped reading a certain main stream author's newer style of writing.  It was too preachy.  I shudder at that.  BUT I do get these are your beliefs and so this is why I skim.  You have every right to those beliefs.  I commend you on them even...doesn't mean I like or follow them LOL!

That aside, yes you do have quite a bit of grammatical, spelling, and errors in this. You are not a lousy writer.  Yes, I read your comment, lol!  It needs to be polished, definitely.  HOWEVER, it doesn't take away from the story at all.  Are they noticeable? Yes.  Can they be overlooked so the reader can continue reading?  Absolutely!  It's fan fiction not a Pulitzer piece of writing.  It's fun and edgy and takes things outside the box!  It's a creative piece of art.  And I'm only a quarter in.  I truly think it could have been condensed and I so wish I had found QAF Brian and Justin back when it was out, but I wasn't.  And I wasn't into M/M then.  I wasn't against it, but I never thought about it.  Now I'm obsessed lol.   I'm a straight single mom, but I've totally changed my view about things.  Open minded (although I've always been that way) and open to constant change.  Which this world is so divided with.  Oh well...maybe one day!

 

I would have liked to have beta'd for you.  I'm a detailed person, but your story is in an overabundance of those details.  That grocery list.  It could have been broken down as the changes were being made to Kinnetic.  It makes me worry as I read some comments about all that success and Kinnetic is given to someone else? But, I will eventually finish and find out what that actually means.  I just think it's too drawn out.  This story would have been even more awesome if you had split it up.  I do like how you split the scenes.  I'm just still pouting that Brian and Justin take a more background, yet still in the front weirdly enough, role.  It's almost like they are a side note which is a shame.  A perfect example of blending supporting characters is Predec2's The Wedding Present's world.  I know the second part of that series is more of Fin and Tony, but it was gradual and it flowed right in.  Sadly, this is the missing factor with your saga.  The blending of those supporting characters to blend with the leads.  It seems to be going backwards and making me miss Brian's smart witty sarcasm and Justin's independence and strong personality.  Character development did need work, but I still AM amazed at this incredible story!  If you ever want to re-work or update this, I'd definitely love to help you out! Amazing work!

Reviewer: vlsope2@yahoo.com (Anonymous) · Date: August 04, 2014 09:41 AM · On: Chapter 191: In the Future…

After the third try I finished your story-- I loved Brian and Justin and the Lindsey mess, I enjoy anything to do with Gus, his Hershey ad was delightful and his interview with "ohpa" was so sweet. I liked the relationship with Mel and Brian, still witty but not  anger driven. The parts I did't care for were large amount of characters, I finally had to write them down and who fucked who and who was bi and who was gay,keeping up the surrogates and which child belonged to whom--it took a lot of time and was distracting, also all the church stuff was too much, in other storiest by different authors handled the hate mongers and was less detailed one comes to mind is Prego stud it touched on hateful people who use their faith as a weapon against others out of fear or just feeling they are so better than others. I read your work when ever I spot it and always enjoy-sorry I'm critical over some your story for the most part I loved it-hope I don't sound mean or harsh I don't mean to.         



Author's Response:

I totally understand the faults of this story. It wasn't planned but instead just flowed out of me like a rushing river of words. Heck, even I got mixed up with the characters at times and had to go back and read what was written to try and keep it all straight. The Bible stuff was to share with the fan fiction community the theology of gay Christians who have a large source of evidence that give a totally different new light on the Bible and Homosexuality.  Gay men and boys existed at the time of Christ and were called naturally born eunuchs (Matthew 19:12). That name was still in use by the early Church in 400 AD that I'm aware of. Well they don't tell you that in Sunday School so someone has to share the evidence and put a new light on the Word. The Bible has been used to promote wars, genocides, slavery, and more recently even making interracial marriage a crime. Now they still try to use it against gays and I predict that some way they'll figure out how to use some verses to battle illegal aliens too, since they seem to be the next politically correct targets for the masses.

To my knowledge this QAF story is the only one that has attempted to bring Christian Gay Theology to the reading public of fan fiction. It seems to have been very popular and remains today the most read story on Whispers.

 

bob

Reviewer: debbie (Anonymous) · Date: June 15, 2014 08:40 AM · On: Chapter 6: Marvel

Bob,

I love all your stories.

I hope you are planning to write more.

Thanks!

Debbie



Author's Response:

Thank you for commenting. Due to RL matters I have no plans to write again at this time.

Reviewer: jacket8 (Anonymous) · Date: May 18, 2014 07:26 PM · On: Chapter 191: In the Future…

Dear Bob -  I have just finished reading Forever Yours for the fourth time.  What can I say, you are an incredible story teller.  One big question?  About 3 years ago I read a story about Brian and Justin that was really excellent but also different.  It was very long and had Justin becoming wealthy thru his art work alone.  It also had something called "landing" and delt with Brian and Justin having additional close relations with other men while also keeping their relationship primary.  Like this story it had sub stories, photos and had the two investing and becoming very wealthy.  I just loved it.  The way it was written made me think that you were also the author.  I have looked for it, but never found it again.  Are you the arthor and if you are, where can I find it?  Please reply.



Author's Response:

What an honor that you would read this monster size story 4 times! I can't remember the name of the other story but yes, I wrote it and decided to take it off line. Basically it went too far revealing things that were not my secrets to share. I had a copy of it on a thumb drive but an ex-roommate used the thumb drive and erased it so now I don't have a copy of it anywhere. I wish I had better news for you but that one is probably gone. Thank you very much for your comments.

Reviewer: BrianNJustin (Signed) · Date: May 15, 2014 08:59 AM · On: Chapter 191: In the Future…

Just finish all the chapters, took me a while but finally anyway I like it but I just have some few corrections.

1. There are a lot of grammar and spelling mistake.

2. Some dialogue doesn't make sense.

3. You have too many supporting characters and because of that you had a hard time keeping tract of them. for example. Frenchie was jerry and Mark's Chef but in one chapter he became Brian and Justin's chef?

4. You have character with the same name but different spelling. You had accidentally put Trey as the Chef when it was suppose to be Tray.

I hope your not mad, I do like your story but I think this are some of the things you need to be aware of so you won't have the same mistake again in your story.

Anyway I'm off to read your story embraced. Hopefully I'll be able to finish it quickly.



Author's Response:

Thanks BrianNJustin for your review. Everything you say is true. I'm a lousy writer and will be the first to admit it. I'm working on a B.S. degree and don't write fan fiction anymore.

Reviewer: Elly (Anonymous) · Date: April 22, 2014 09:02 AM · On: Chapter 1: Starting Over

It's a great story with a very beautiful storyline, thank you so much!!!
I will miss them!!!



Author's Response:

Hello Elly,

It warms my heart to see some dust fly off one of the older stories as a new review lands there. You're so kind to give a comment, and one so gracious too. Thank you for the smile.

bob

Reviewer: Tash (Anonymous) · Date: April 03, 2014 05:29 PM · On: Chapter 33: Wedding Night

OMG that was HOT 



Author's Response:

Glad you liked it. Thank you for reading and comment Tash.

Reviewer: Tash (Anonymous) · Date: April 03, 2014 05:11 PM · On: Chapter 32: Billionaire’s Puppy

OMG I love jerry and mark



Author's Response:

me 2

Reviewer: Tash (Anonymous) · Date: April 03, 2014 07:00 AM · On: Chapter 3: Family Secrets

OMG that was so intense but extremely well written I couldn't stop tearing up




Author's Response:

Thank you Tash; I can't say how many times I've read that chapter and wondered 'did I write that?'

Reviewer: Amber (Anonymous) · Date: November 04, 2013 09:38 AM · On: Chapter 115: Zoloft for Dogs

I've loved the story up until now you give such great description and suck detail to everything!!!!!!! But I'm very disappointed that you brought Lindsay back into the picture, I feel she should have gone to prison and been out of there lives, I'm strongly thinking about whether to continue reading this story, now that she is back in the picture.

Author's Response:

Thank you for your review. I assure you that Lindsay does not get off easy, and realize that multiple subplots or in the story.

Reviewer: MAFITA (Signed) · Date: June 23, 2013 10:57 AM · On: Chapter 191: In the Future…

It took me a really long time, but I finally managed to finish this story.... All I can really say is that I absolutely LOVED it and it was worth every second I spent reading it! :D The only thing that got me sad was Hunter's death T_T.... Anyway, hope to read you soon in another story! :D Kisses!



Author's Response:

Due to health I got behind on answering reviews. Thank you very much for reading and commenting.

Reviewer: Tagsit (Signed) · Date: April 20, 2013 07:33 PM · On: Chapter 191: In the Future…

I love a really long story. This one kept me busy for a whole week! Thanks for writing! TAG



Author's Response:

Forgive my late response. I don't do much but sleep lately. Thanks Tag for reading and commenting. This one is long!

Reviewer: Blanca (Signed) · Date: January 16, 2013 06:33 PM · On: Chapter 17: Revenge

I love this chapter!!! Thanks!

Author's Response:

Better late than never. Sorry I missed this review back then and the only excuse I have was poor health back then.

Reviewer: M_elle_22 (Signed) · Date: November 08, 2012 03:30 AM · On: Chapter 5: Here Comes the Judge

ewww.  I wish all the disgusting info about Sap was pure morbid fantasy... but it is true and happening around us right now.  :(

I am just going to assume Debbie's OOC behaviour to her son is shock.

Reviewer: M_elle_22 (Signed) · Date: November 07, 2012 11:36 PM · On: Chapter 3: Family Secrets

Its nice to actually LIKE Mel for a change.

Reviewer: M_elle_22 (Signed) · Date: November 07, 2012 11:05 PM · On: Chapter 2: Leather Bear

“Goodbye Michael.” Justin said as Brian just stared at his old friend as he left the diner.

“Don’t trust him Justin; I can see it in his eyes when he’s up to something.”

“He asked me out tonight for drinks.”

“Did he ask for both of us to go?”

“No just me Brian.”

“Don’t do it. I’m taking him out of our lives completely. Our friendship is over.”

 

This was shockingly abrupt, and really without warning.  Mikey hasn't done anything different at all than what he always does.  I guess Brian just had enough and HE has changed in how he is handling things.

 

The ending makes me so sad.  :(

Reviewer: M_elle_22 (Signed) · Date: November 07, 2012 10:31 PM · On: Chapter 1: Starting Over

*snort*  

I don't know why I get such a kick out of Ted's glee, watching his boss be happy.

I felt like reading something familiar, so I'm rereading this story.  I'd forgotten how brisk the pace you set is.  I like the story line moves so fast, but as a woman I kinda miss the quiet, sweetness the guys could, at moments, have together.  Its interesting to get a guy writer's POV.

Reviewer: Taire (Anonymous) · Date: August 26, 2012 08:58 PM · On: Chapter 143: Patrick, 14

I watched Patrick 1.5 and loved it.  

Reviewer: galenut (Anonymous) · Date: August 22, 2012 10:13 PM · On: Chapter 16: Church Street

I certainly hope MIkey stays in Canada and not return to the Pitts.

Reviewer: galenut (Anonymous) · Date: August 22, 2012 03:35 PM · On: Chapter 6: Marvel

I am really enjoying this story.

Reviewer: galenut (Anonymous) · Date: August 22, 2012 01:18 AM · On: Chapter 4: The Sting

This story is amazing. Will finish reading it tomorrow. Thanks for writing it.

Reviewer: taire (Anonymous) · Date: August 16, 2012 03:38 AM · On: Chapter 16: Church Street

Michael is so freakimg stupid.  What a moron.  He deserves what coming to him.



Author's Response:

I really broke it off in Michael in this story :) Thank you for commenting Taire

Reviewer: taire (Anonymous) · Date: August 14, 2012 09:27 PM · On: Chapter 6: Marvel

I'm late to the party for this story, but I love it.



Author's Response:

Hello there, and welcome to the party. It's truly wonderful to see a review comment pop up on one of the older tales - it lets me know people are still reading it. Enjoy and thank you.

Reviewer: Neoisevil (Signed) · Date: June 28, 2012 06:24 PM · On: Chapter 191: In the Future…

My friend told me about this site two days ago and said i had to read this story and since i found it i spent my free time reading it and finished it. I love this story and cant wait to see what other stories this site have. I am a big qaf fan but my fav site shut down a while ago i went looking for new cites cuz i totally hate how they ended the show... I am rambling anyways awesomw

Author's Response:

How wonderful of you to read and comment Neoisevil (love the pen name too). I was amazed how popular this story was and still is since it has passes 311,000 reads to date. My vampire story "Embraced" was also very popular but a bit like a crack fic however - it's very weird at times :) Thank you very much for joining Whispers, reading and commenting.

Reviewer: FREDDY335 (Anonymous) · Date: June 18, 2012 10:00 AM · On: Chapter 3: Family Secrets

Congratulations! This story is beautiful and very immersive. I cried reading the scene where Gus is visited by a doctor. Brava!
Sorry for English but not speak it and then use the Google translator.
Hello ..



Author's Response:

Thank you for commenting and no problem using a translator online. Google is pretty good at it.

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